Today the boys are totally activating the reward center of my brain, being adorable and bonded and interactive. They're so close to crawling, which delights and terrifies me. The house isn't remotely ready for crawling babies, especially not TWO!
Zeke was clapping today! He didn't get any noise out, but he did put his hands together repeatedly on purpose. Zay is getting close to crawling. When he puts his head down, he can lift his tummy up. Soon enough, he'll be able to get his head AND tummy up at the same time.
It's hard being a single mama, especially because I'm not quite single. I'm married and don't want to be separated. I've got lots of in-home help with the boys, which is a blessing, of course, but it's also strange. It's not just me raising the boys, it's the whole village. Maybe they're getting the best possilbe situation. They're not stuck with just my perspective, my flaws and crazy notions about child-rearing. They get balance. I get a break from the constant demands of my boys. I also get competition for their darling attention. Everything is a trade-off.
Sometimes I think it's not fair that I get so much happiness from being with the boys and Matt is so deprived of it. He gets visits, but it's not the same. The time is so fragmented. He doesn't get the little moments, or to see them in their natural element where they can crawl on the floor, grab the dog, lay outside and look at the trees. He doesn't get to introduce them to grass and then keep pulling the grass out of their mouths. I can't change that fact, just grieve it.
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