Thoughts on babies: I sure do love those boys. I wish that it were possible to make some sort of ergonomic memory foam chair or something that would perfectly support me so that I could hold a sleeping baby in my arms all night. Gazing on Zeke's resting face, so peaceful and secure both makes my heart swell with love and makes me incredibly sleepy. If I could bottle "Essence of Sleeping Zeke," no one would ever need to take sleeping pills again. With a small sip of his sweetness, peace and rest would wash over the most anxious soul, lulling them right to sleep. There have been plenty of mornings after long, sleep-deprived nights when I've gotten to hold Zeke or Zay as he took his morning nap and I was finally able to get a little sleep myself. Thankfully, they aren't nearly as needy at night anymore. Even though they wake me up every hour or two all night long, they typically only need a short amount of attention, instead of half an hour. Ugh. Those days were torture.
I remember one night when I'd been awake the whole night, with brief cat naps here and there, tending to the boys. When Matt finally got up to start his day, I was so incredibly angry. He was shocked. He hadn't spent the last few hours aware of my growing wrath that he was asleep and I was alone and unable to find a good way to keep both boys happy enough to sleep properly. That morning, I got a nap all by myself!
Maybe I'm not supposed to publicly mention my husband's sins. Theoretically, we had this agreement that since he left the house to work, I was the one who would take care of the boys at night. He bought me a really comfy recliner to keep in the nursery so that I could sleep and be close to them as needed, although I also, again theoretically, got to sleep in my bed as much as possible. It just turned out, it wasn't possible to sleep much before one baby or the other started crying.
Matt did help take care of the boys in the evenings when he came home from work. He'd either take a baby or two or he'd make dinner. Either one was fine with me. And on Wednesdays, he'd take them out to Applebee's while he met up with friends and I did whatever I wanted for two hours with no baby attached to me. It's hard to know if I had more help when Matt was here, or more now. Since he's been gone, I've had a whole massive amount of responsibilities added to my plate, both things that he was managing and things that his absence has created for me to do. I've also had a lot of help with childcare and stuff around the house. I would be a quivering, whimpering pile of jelly were it not for the massive amount of help I've received. And that's the truth.
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